Things I’m Loving

I’m not going to sugar coat it.  I feel miserable.  I’m huge, not sleeping much, and itchy.  BUT I have two things that are bringing a smile to my face this week.

1.  Have you heard of the new skin care products from the UK called Simple?  I caught a few commercials on them, but I don’t see it being advertised widely yet.  I found them at Walmart because my grocery store isn’t carrying them yet.  They tout themselves as the sensitive skin experts, and I like those hypoallergenic/sensitive/fragrance free type skin products.  They are amazing!  It really is the most sensitive, gentle thing I’ve used on my face.  I started with the cleansing cloths, and after using them it really feels like there’s nothing left on your skin.  Like I splashed with water but cleaner.  I don’t know how the moisturizer stuff does because some said they had mineral oil in them and that seems kinda greasy, but I’m willing to try it.  Small note though, I don’t have bad acne right now.   I can’t speak to how well it will clear already broken out skin.

2.  I stop by the blog Prudent Baby every once in awhile.  My neighbor told me about it ages ago.  Don’t be fooled by the name, it’s a crafty blog for the whole house and family.  I was telling my co-worker about it yesterday because her daughter is pregnant too, and the blog has great directions on how to make crib sheets, and I found her giveaway for this fabric.  Oh my goodness!  I’m in love.  I want to use it everywhere!!  I’m thinking I have to make pillows for my brother’s new apartment because he rocks major facial hair, but then I don’t want to part with it.  I need to make DH lounge pillows.  I need to make the beebs crib sheets or a quilt or anything so I can play with this fabric.  If I don’t win the giveaway, I’m still going to order some from FabricWorm because it’s just too fabulous to pass up.

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Important Quickie

I haven’t gone missing.  Just busy.  It’s work and more work.  We lost two people at work, so the rest of us have been picking up the slack.  Is it just me or have the weekends gotten shorter?  There might be hope on the horizon.  I found a pretty cool job, maybe even two that I would really enjoy, so there might be changes on that front.  The hiring process for federal jobs takes so long and there are so many applicants.  I’m confident that I’m awesome enough for either, and I’m trying hard to stay positive.

One thing that is really helping is that  Me and My Soldier Man is giving away a Target gift card.  This may be the coolest giveaway get.  And I just got done telling DH how I needed shoes…

I have a couple book posts in the works and I’m working on finding a few minutes to write something of significance.  Soon.

All For The Benjamins

As I’m sure everyone’s aware, it’s tax season.  I always look forward to this season a little bit because I love getting a big check  in the mail.  I know it’s money I’ve already earned, but how often do you open the mail and see that much money at once?  I know it won’t last forever.  Hopefully someday I’ll be making so much money that my tax bill will be crazy high and I won’t even miss it all, but right now I’m enjoying the silver lining of being broke to the fullest.

But at the same time, I hate tax season.  I hate collecting all the scraps of paper that I need.  I hate keeping all the different bank forms in order.  I do my own taxes with TurboTax too, so that doesn’t help matters.  Don’t get me wrong, TurboTax is very easy software to use (although last year’s updates stunk :().  Even if you aren’t a math genius, you can do your taxes this way, and it’s way, way cheaper than taking it to someone.  I just get this horrible worry that I screwed up somehow, and the IRS will come pounding on my door for not paying the right amount, and I won’t have enough in my savings to cover it.  Yeah, I know.  Exaggerate much?  I just can’t help it.  There’s so much pressure!

On top of it all, I had the bright idea to set up DH’s retirement accounts right now since he had so much non-taxable income while he was deployed.  I’ve got IRAs, 401Ks, maximum contributions, income caps…you name it…floating around my head.  Because that’s what I need while I’m trying to itemize all my charitable contributions (I’m looking at you Walk for Diabetes!).

I totally brought this on myself, but thank goodness this is only once a year.

Filling In My Calendar

I was going to sit down and say something about New Year’s resolutions, but I don’t really want to resolve to do anything exactly. Instead I’d like to sort out what I want my year to look like.

This time of year is always my favorite because it’s PLANNER BUYING SEASON! I’m always so excited to get a new calendar and organizer (this year I found a slim, hardbound fauna motif one that I’m loving!), but I’m finding a lack of things to fill it with just yet.

This year is going to be my year “on” with my hubs. We’ve been joking that we’re a year on when he’s here and a year off when he’s gone sort of couple. I’m really excited about it, which is only slightly disconcerting. I don’t even feel like it’s getting back to normal. It’s just my lucky year this year. Ha. It’s making me all flustered though. This is the first year in a long time that’s been up in the air. There’s been a year of finishing school after we got married. There was a year of training when he was gone. There’s been a year of deployment. Now I’ve got nothing but time. What the heck do I do with him?

Red and I have already started planning a vacation this year. We want to make it an annual thing at the very least. We don’t live near each other, so if we don’t make the effort, we’ll never spend time together. My mom wants to do a long weekend getaway sometime this year for just the two of us. I want to visit my brother either at college or somewhere in between. I’ve brought up maybe having a short trip with just DH and I. This year is obviously going to be a year of traveling.

I want to read more this year. I have so many books sitting around waiting to be opened.

I’m going to spend much more time at the gym this year. The last two weeks I’ve already started to get serious about it. I love going. I love how it makes me feel when I go regularly. And I’m still having mixed feelings about how my body changed while I was pregnant. Man, it happened fast. Some days I own it. Other days I loathe it. The gym is going to work on it no matter what.

I want to get back to my craft mess. DH got home and all my projects got shoved under the bed. I want to try and dedicate some time to them again. I enjoy my time with DH, but I need to carve out time for just me again. I can’t forget how to be alone.

I want to keep planting and canning this summer.

I really would love to find a different job. This job isn’t doing it for me anymore, and I’m coming home frustrated more days than not. I need to get serious about job hunting and find something more fulfilling.

I want to stay happy this year. I want to keep happiness a priority and stay fluid and adaptable to whatever it takes to ensure that. I want to work hard to stay social, which tends to fall lower on the list when DH is around. I want to be less emotional or maybe, more accurately, to feel less acutely. I don’t know how I’m going to do that last one, but I want to work on it.

It’s going to be good year.  🙂

Don’t I Deserve A Good Christmas Gift This Year?

Oh, the things I would do to Bruno Mars.  That man is all sorts of caramelly Latino goodness.  Maybe it’s the lyrics talking or maybe I just have a thing for delicious South of the Border men.

Perhaps that was odd, but I feel better having said it.

I didn’t want to sit down here and complain yet again.  My moods have been like a ping pong ball lately, and tonight is definitely not a good moment.  Bruno was my attempt at trying to turn that around. Grenade and Just the Way You put me in tears lately, but it’s worth it.

The visit with the family went alright.  I truly admire people who like their family, even after spending extended time with them.  I think people who live near their family should be given some sort of a medal.  I cannot be myself with my family, and that just doesn’t fly with me anymore.  My parents especially have never been on the same page as me.  We don’t think the same.  We don’t share similar opinions.  Nothing of substance can be discussed between us.  After about three days, I’ve had about all I can take.  That being said, I do (sometimes) start to miss them and want those few laughs.  Sometime I’ll try and sort through my mother and I’s tug of war with my mental illness (or any mental illness for that matter), but I can’t tackle that now.  I don’t know what I was thinking, but I went for my birthday too.  I like spending my birthday quietly.  Its rather uneventful, but I don’t like a huge fuss….  There was a huge fuss.

Throw in the whole non-baby thing going on right now, and it was a tough trip.  We were planning and maybe even starting to look forward to telling our family while we were there.  Not having news to share anymore made for a ginormous elephant on the vacation with us except only DH and I could see it.  I was ready to come home.

Really, we’re doing outstanding with the non-baby.  At isolated moments I’ll burst into tears or furiously hate someone, but they are very few and far in between (really).  I do my 20 minutes of crying, and then I’m good.  We’re getting sad not that there’s a non-baby we’re missing but for things like missing the smile it was going to give our parents.  It’s a very weird experience.  I think I cry more at songs on the radio because they remind me how incredibly caring and supportive DH has been than I do at putting baby clothes away because we’re not going to need them.

DH and I were talking the other day, and we’re attributing most of this emotional mess to still decompressing from the deployment.  I never cried and threw a tantrum and really grieved for the shittiness of that time.  If I broke down, there was no one here to clean up the mess.  I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m an emotional person.  Some people experience the world and remember events based on smell or music or food.  I have a strong emotional reaction to everything around me, and it leaves an imprint that I will forever associate with that thing or occurrence.  I didn’t let myself do that while he was gone, but all those emotional markers are still there.  I’ve got to do all my crying and laughing that I’ve stored up.  It’s bubbling to the surface at the same time the non-baby bubbles are, which is making for an unpredictable cocktail of emotion.  (Ha!  I totally just envisioned Ron Burgundy in the phone booth right now!)

That being said, I’m going really good.  I’m having my moments, but aren’t the holidays rough for everyone?  I’m determined to get back to my bloggity life and my bloggity friends.  I miss being here.  I miss putting my thoughts in order.  I promise the new year will bring something other than spandex and depressing I-hate-everything-right-now musings.

But please, seriously, if anyone knows Santa and wants to put in a good word for me, I’d really, really like a life-size/real Bruno Mars doll this year for Christmas.

Public Service Announcement

Lumps…oh so  many lumps!

What is with everyone wearing spandex?  This many people cannot have suddenly taken up biking.

It isn’t pretty, people!  Even if you have a decent figure, spandex creates bulges and lumps and horrible, horrible chafeage that should not occur.  Please, for the sake of my eyes and those of all humanity, put away any and all clothes that you have to paint on, lay down to shimmy into, or in general stretches to three times its size to cover you.

If One More Person Tells Me This Is A Beautiful Miracle, I’m Going To Punch Them In Their Huevos

I know I’ve been rather silent since my big announcement.  Work has been crazy busy lately, plus babies make you insanely tired!  My house is a pit.  I have no food in my fridge.  All I really care about it getting a nap.  Unfortunately, writing does not make that list most days.

I’ve been trying to organize my thoughts too.  I do not want to make this space like Babys-R-Us.  I’m always interested when my bloggity friends have kids, and I want to know how it’s going for them, but the rest of the world seems to die away and their blogs become the 24/7 diaper update zone.  I totally understand how that happens now, but I want to try really hard to keep this a fairly neutral space.  I am determined to retain some of my hobbies and interests when Peanut gets here.  We’ll see how much I accomplish of that.  Feel free to remind me if I quit posting about anything but how my feet are swelling and the best price I can find on a onesie.

That being said, I’m doing great health-wise.  I’m tired but have had zero morning sickness.  I feel pretty lucky in the knocked up department.  Most of my problems are coming from just sorting all this out mentally.  I had about a week where I didn’t know if it was weird hormones or the start of prenatal depression or a bad hair day.  I hated this little peanut.  I hated everyone in the world for not cleaning my kitchen for me.  I was sad that the life that I thought I was going to go back to when DH got home is no longer possible.  I was freaked out of my mind thinking about telling my family that I had no self-control when DH got home because really, that’s the only thing “hey, we’re having a deployment baby” sounds like.  Ugh.  It’s been messy.

But I am here and plugging away.  I’m sure I’ll have stories to tell when I come back from the families’ houses next month.  We’re going back for holiday leave and plan on sharing the news with everyone then.  Yikes to the eleventy billionth power.

On a completely unrelated topic, DH and I were planning on going to Spain this coming summer.  Since Peanut has now taken over ALL our 2011 plans, we took the day today and went to see Cirque du Soleil’s Ovo.  I don’t feel like I’m giving anything away by saying it definitely wasn’t Spain, but we had a fantastic time.  Cirque du Soleil always does fantastic shows, and it’s worth every penny to go.  Oh, and I submitted my Master’s thesis for a research award, so I’m pretty excited about that.  Otherwise, life is plugging away.  Hope everyone is doing well.

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