The First Few Days

The man is home…and currently on his 14th hour of sleep.

The massages have been scheduled.  It’s something my family always does for our Soldiers (we have several) when they come home after a long absence.  They all love it.  Couples massages are great too.  We love it as a way to reconnect and have quiet time together.  Plus it’s like a huge reward and treat for all the hard work you did while you were apart.  It’s stressful whether you think it was or not.

Only two duffles, an assault pack, and his kit this time.  Laundry might be done by next weekend.  Whoo hoo!

Next up is the grocery list.  He’s always craving something when he gets back, and geographical bachelorette refrigerators just don’t fly with my carnivore husband.

The routine is kinda nice.

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Baby Update–Almost There

We’re about a month out now (shorter if my crossed fingers work at all), and we’re all doing really, really well.  Health-wise, we’re still both perfect and tolerating things really well.  My poor feet are suffering the most at this point.

My co-workers threw me a baby shower last week, and it went really well.  I begged out of my friend throwing me one, but I couldn’t get out of one at work.  I was so proud of myself for being social and happy and not letting my anxiety ruin the evening.  It was a good night and very exhausting.

Last weekend I got the tags off everything and washed the cloth items.  I couldn’t believe I have 4 loads of laundry!  That’s insane.  Beebs is like a sack of potatoes.  I don’t know how a sack of potatoes needs 4 loads of laundry to survive.

DH and I decided to try g diapers.  They’re super cute eco diapers.  I like the idea of cloth diapers and their environmental friendliness, but I don’t want to be touching and rinsing and dealing with poo any more than I have to.  G diapers can be used as cloth diapers or you can get the cotton insert part of a regular diaper to put into the cloth outer layer.  Then you toss or even flush the insert instead of washing a cloth pad.  We aren’t committed forever to them, but we really like the idea and want to see if it’ll work for us.  I’ll let you all know how they turn out as it goes.  I should take a picture of them, because I love how they look.  They are so colorful and cute.  I researched at gdiapers.com but bought them at diapers.com which has everything you can imagine for babies.

Anyhoo, we still need a crib and a car seat.  So…only the two most important things.  It’s on the list for when DH gets home.  I couldn’t make up my mind and really couldn’t handle such huge symbols of baby-dom until recently.  Speaking of which, my prenatal depression is doing alright.  I’m still on medication and going to therapy once a week, but I’m doing good.  My extremes are gone, and I’m almost sorta close to being excited about being a month away.  I’m feeling like I want to pull in and hibernate until the baby comes.  I really want DH to come home already and take over the house.  Soon.

Random Episode #111

What has everyone been up to?  It seems like we’ve all been too exhausted to blog much lately.  I don’t know about you guys, but I’m blaming mine on this huge belly I’ve been lugging around.  I’m down to about 7 weeks left, which is great because my belly is outgrowing my maternity work shirts at an astonishing rate.  Other baby planning is going well.  I’ve picked up lots of stuff at local thrift stores.  There are so many great finds there with tags still on them.  We’re missing a crib and a car seat/stroller, so that’s kinda important.  I’m going to try and hit some stationary stores in town looking for fantastic paper for birth announcements this Saturday.  I’ve been on meds now for a few weeks, and I’m feeling alright.  I’m almost even getting excited.  I’m hoping to keep up the momentum so my nerves don’t get the better of me as the day creeps closer.

DH is out training, so I’ve been lounging around home getting lonely.

I got some of my veggies started for the spring.  I have cucumbers for pickling, green beans, and potatoes started.  I want to get a tomato plant, a pepper plant, and strawberries maybe this weekend.  It’s going to be fantastic!!  There’s a tater tub thing at Walmart that I’m trying this season.  It comes with everything for like $12ish and grows fingerling size potatoes all in this black bucket with a lift out insert to check on the potatoes as they grow.  I’m super excited to see if it works out.  Oh, and I’m sure I’ll pick up some flowers sometime too, but I want to maximize my veggie growing season before it gets too hot down here.

I’ve been reading a ton of great books, but I want to give those their own space.  So…just wait longer.

My parents came and visited about two weeks ago or so just for the weekend.  We had a great time, although we didn’t really do much.  We went and saw Riverdance, and I was a bit bummed because I’ve seen it once before and this time it seemed like a slimmed down version.  It wasn’t a grand feeling like it was last time I saw it.  Anyway, we did a lot of non-baby things and some baby things, so it was a nice mix.  Short but sweet.

Ugh, taxes are here again.  My W-2s got all screwed up, so I’ve been waiting on those to get corrected before I can start.  And for some reason two of my interest bearing accounts didn’t send me 1099-INT forms this year.  Seriously??  Is the universe trying to stress me to the max right before this baby gets here?  I hate tax season…

So that’s what I’ve been up to.  With DH out on a suck-fest right now, maybe I’ll get reacquainted with the blog world.

Mean Census

Did anyone else just get a census supplement in the mail?

It says right on it that my address was chosen and not me, but it sure seems like every place I’ve lived I end up being “randomly chosen.”  And is it just me or are these census questionnaires really personal?  They want to know how much I paid last month for electricity and what time I left for work yesterday.  I don’t know these things!

But these census questions really bum me out because right on the front it says “do not include anyone who is living somewhere else for more than 2 months, such as…someone in the Armed Forces on deployment.”  Oooo…ouch.  Poke a gal while she’s down why don’t ya.  I understand that most of the questions don’t apply if the person isn’t home, but this is his home.  I want to count him as part of my total number of living at this address.  And 2 months for a military family isn’t very long.  He doesn’t have to be deployed to be gone 2 months.  He could be off training somewhere.  DH is gone now for what looks like 6ish weeks, and that’s prior a regular ol’ deployment that’s creeping up on us.

I guess it’s good that military families can document what their households look like and how they run, but geez, it reminds us how lonely they look like too.

Lovey Thoughts

I just finished DH’s Valentine’s surprise.  On the years we actually celebrate, we don’t buy each other things.  We like to make things for each other.  This year I made two index cards with stick figures, one soldier and one preggo.  The preggo is dropping hearts out of a bucket for the soldier to follow.  It’s corny, I know, but I folded them up and slid them into his wallet for him to find at work tomorrow.  We aren’t big celebratory people usually, but this idea tickled me.

Sometimes the smallest, silliest idea makes someone feel the most loved.  Just make sure it feels like it came from you.  Hope everyone has a great V-day tomorrow.

Medicated

I just wanted to post a quick update.  I started medication on Monday after an appointment with my OB.  They seem really willing to help with prenatal depression, which was reassuring, but I’m going to wait and see until after my therapy appointment tomorrow whether or not she recommends that I still go to a psychiatrist.

I’m so out of my element with this medication thing.  Supposedly it should take awhile to feel the affects, and I might have to go through several dosage adjustments to find my level, so I can’t really tell if it’s working.  I feel relief though knowing that at least it will end.  I don’t have to worry about what if I can’t get a handle on this before the baby gets here or while DH is gone.  At least the decision is made, and I know I will eventually feel better regardless.

So yeah, that’s where I’m at.  Red and I have been talking when we can.  Having her already have navigated these waters is really reassuring.  She keeps reminding me that this is the right choice, and I’m being proactive instead of waiting for what we all know will turn into postpartum depression.  She had another baby boy in December, by the way.  He’s adorable, but he’s getting in the way of my phone calls.

I’ll keep you updated in how this whole medication thing goes, but I’m optimistic and that’s good.

Dark Place

Some bummer news…  Over the past few weeks my mental outlook has continued to decline at an alarmingly fast rate.  I’ve been seeing my therapist (who is the absolute best) rather sporadically because of the hours of my new job, but at the last meeting she was really concerned.  I’m upping my meeting back to weekly, she called in a favor to a psychiatrist friend, and I have an appointment with my OB to discuss putting me on antidepressants.

Prenatal depression isn’t exactly uncommon, although obviously it gets less attention than postpartum depression, and I am at a much higher risk with my past history, but I’m still bummed.  I’ve never had to go on antidepressants before (although maybe I should have), and it feels like such a failure.  I’m worried about the side effects because I know these meds are serious drugs.  I’m worried about taking too long to figure out the med situation and being too late because I know it takes awhile to get the right combination/level of these drugs.  I’m worried about this being the right choice because I’ve been able to deal with this on my own in the past.

It just sucks!  Health-wise I’m doing so well.  My stomach issues are calm.  The baby couldn’t be growing more perfectly.  I’m just starting to hate the baby and this pregnancy for so many reasons.  I hate that it’s changing my relationship with DH.  I hate the pressure I feel having to shop for it.  I hate the intrusion I feel from my family because they’re excited for it.  I hate how my body’s changing to accommodate it.  I hate strangers asking personal questions about it.  I hate the uncomfortableness and the squirminess and the sleeplessness that it’s causing me.  I hate the public expectation to be overjoyed over it.  I hate everything right now.  I’m stressing over the birth, over shopping, over single-parenting while DH is gone…  It doesn’t end.

I’m bummed that I have to go through this healing process again, but I’m more worried that because of its different causes, this time is going to be harder and I’m not going to be able to be a good parent.  I already feel like it’s unfair for DH to live and deal with a mentally ill person regularly, but a kid isn’t going to understand.  I don’t want to burden him with it when he should be worry-free and ignorant of such problems.  And that’s how my thought process goes full circle and I start feeling like crap again.

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