They’re Back!

The new Blink 182 cd came out Monday!  It’s in my car now, and I’m loving it.  You can really hear the different influences from the artists’ other projects.  It’s new and exciting, but certainly similar to their last cd.  So glad to have the guys back!!

A Night Out

Thompson Square came and did a free concert on post last night, so DH and I went to catch some fresh air and get away from the tv for a while.  They weren’t bad.  It was a nice concert, they sounded good, and the weather was great.

Looking around the sea of lawn chairs last night I noticed how many men were there.  They were out with their families, holding babies, and passing cold drinks.  It made me smile.  The image of so many guys, tattooed and scarred, rocking tiny babies was heart warming.  It is post deployment after all.  There were plenty of round-bellied wives next to them too. 🙂 The cycle continues.

It is obvious the guys are home, and I love it.  We don’t the get picture often enough.

Happy New Year

Yes, yes…I am lame enough to be sitting at home blogging instead of ringing in the new year somewhere loud and crowded.  I’m not a huge party animal though.  Sorry to disappoint.

My Christmas was lovely and quiet.  DH and I stayed right here at home by ourselves and loved every minute of it.  I must have been good since BRUNO MARS made it into my stocking!!

I’ve been thinking a lot about the upcoming year and what I want to get out of it.  I’ve been doing a lot of reading that I really want to share.  I’ve been gritting my teeth at the stupidity at work.  Absolutely none of this has made it onto here, but it will soon.  My thoughts need to get back to being organized, and I really, really miss you all.

If anyone else is lame and at home right now like me, I wish you a wonderful night.

Don’t I Deserve A Good Christmas Gift This Year?

Oh, the things I would do to Bruno Mars.  That man is all sorts of caramelly Latino goodness.  Maybe it’s the lyrics talking or maybe I just have a thing for delicious South of the Border men.

Perhaps that was odd, but I feel better having said it.

I didn’t want to sit down here and complain yet again.  My moods have been like a ping pong ball lately, and tonight is definitely not a good moment.  Bruno was my attempt at trying to turn that around. Grenade and Just the Way You put me in tears lately, but it’s worth it.

The visit with the family went alright.  I truly admire people who like their family, even after spending extended time with them.  I think people who live near their family should be given some sort of a medal.  I cannot be myself with my family, and that just doesn’t fly with me anymore.  My parents especially have never been on the same page as me.  We don’t think the same.  We don’t share similar opinions.  Nothing of substance can be discussed between us.  After about three days, I’ve had about all I can take.  That being said, I do (sometimes) start to miss them and want those few laughs.  Sometime I’ll try and sort through my mother and I’s tug of war with my mental illness (or any mental illness for that matter), but I can’t tackle that now.  I don’t know what I was thinking, but I went for my birthday too.  I like spending my birthday quietly.  Its rather uneventful, but I don’t like a huge fuss….  There was a huge fuss.

Throw in the whole non-baby thing going on right now, and it was a tough trip.  We were planning and maybe even starting to look forward to telling our family while we were there.  Not having news to share anymore made for a ginormous elephant on the vacation with us except only DH and I could see it.  I was ready to come home.

Really, we’re doing outstanding with the non-baby.  At isolated moments I’ll burst into tears or furiously hate someone, but they are very few and far in between (really).  I do my 20 minutes of crying, and then I’m good.  We’re getting sad not that there’s a non-baby we’re missing but for things like missing the smile it was going to give our parents.  It’s a very weird experience.  I think I cry more at songs on the radio because they remind me how incredibly caring and supportive DH has been than I do at putting baby clothes away because we’re not going to need them.

DH and I were talking the other day, and we’re attributing most of this emotional mess to still decompressing from the deployment.  I never cried and threw a tantrum and really grieved for the shittiness of that time.  If I broke down, there was no one here to clean up the mess.  I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m an emotional person.  Some people experience the world and remember events based on smell or music or food.  I have a strong emotional reaction to everything around me, and it leaves an imprint that I will forever associate with that thing or occurrence.  I didn’t let myself do that while he was gone, but all those emotional markers are still there.  I’ve got to do all my crying and laughing that I’ve stored up.  It’s bubbling to the surface at the same time the non-baby bubbles are, which is making for an unpredictable cocktail of emotion.  (Ha!  I totally just envisioned Ron Burgundy in the phone booth right now!)

That being said, I’m going really good.  I’m having my moments, but aren’t the holidays rough for everyone?  I’m determined to get back to my bloggity life and my bloggity friends.  I miss being here.  I miss putting my thoughts in order.  I promise the new year will bring something other than spandex and depressing I-hate-everything-right-now musings.

But please, seriously, if anyone knows Santa and wants to put in a good word for me, I’d really, really like a life-size/real Bruno Mars doll this year for Christmas.

Serenade

From across the world, from a shit hole that’s trying to kill him, my love sends me this song and tells me he’s thinking of me.

And suddenly everything’s perfect.

Status: T Minus 2 Weeks

Holy crap!  2 weeks, people!!  It hit me this morning in the shower that it’s not just two weeks until I get my wonderful hubs again.  I’m PCSing in two weeks too.  Yikes.  How did this escape me?  I’ve been thinking about buying a washer and dryer, thinking about how I want to decorate, thinking about ways to dogify my house and yard, but all that didn’t translate into moving.  It was just daydreaming about a future, abstract house that never seemed to materialize.  I have so much to do…

Before I get all worked up and stressed over what I need to accomplish before the two weeks are up, let’s review what I have done over the last nine months on my own.

  1. I helped my mom with her recovery from surgery.
  2. I went to the gym regularly for months, improved my running distance, and bench pressed like a gazillion pounds.
  3. I moved our stuff out of storage and started the PCS process from our old home.
  4. I went downtown and researched at the National Archives.
  5. I finished my regular school work.
  6. I spent three amazing weeks with my best friend and welcomed her chubby baby boy into the world.
  7. I visited my grandparents for two more weeks.
  8. I got my driver’s license!!
  9. I finally packed up my old prom dresses and donated them to charity.  My mom’s been begging me to do that for years.
  10. I have collected medical, dental, ect. records.
  11. I established this blog and met some really great blog friends in the process.
  12. I looked up Tricare rules for mental health care and looked up eligible psychotherapists at my new duty station.
  13. I have applied for two potential jobs that I would love to have.
  14. I went to the dentist.
  15. I sorted through and chose Christmas ornaments from my mom’s collection to start my own decoration stash.
  16. I fought with government storage to get our stuff left in storage until we get there.

See, that’s a lot.  Now for the stuff that has to get finished in the next couple weeks.

  1. I need to finish the first draft of my thesis and get it turned in.
  2. I need to get all my library books back to their respective libraries.  I have totally packed library books before, and it will never happen again.
  3. I need to make temporary housing reservations.
  4. I need to have lunch with my cousin who lives in the area.  We’ve been saying we were going to do this since I got here.
  5. I need to prioritize all my stuff and pack what I must have over the next couple months.  I acquired way too many shoes and books while I was here.  At least it was the two most important things in life, right?
  6. I need to go to the chiropractor one more time.
  7. I want to finish my rubber ducky cross stitch project, so I can hang it in my bathroom when I get there.

See, that list was way shorter.  Granted, there are some big things on that list, but the reward for getting them all done is a huge, real life hug from my sweetie.  Thank goodness my favorite tv shows are going on hiatus until baseball is over.  I don’t need any distractions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finding my moving groove this morning to Brad Paisley’s “The World.”

Status: T minus 20ish

I’ve been working my bum off this past week.  I’m 4,772 words into my thesis, which is a little over a third of the way there.  I’ve been just throwing words on the paper and will organize the whole thing later.  Because there’s so much information, I need to get all the facts there, so I can revise like crazy and add in all the cosmetic, thesis-related sentences in there.  I usually don’t write this way, so it’s a little wierd.  My advisor wants me to look at a few other sources about public policy and redo my thesis statement, so that’s my weekend plans.  His area of expertise is the Civil War and public policy, so I’m not surprised, but it was a really good idea that will help my paper tons.  Once I’ve got that done, I can relate all the facts that I’m writing now to my revised thesis.  No point to really do it twice.

So things are moving along.  I’m really happy with my progress so far, and I’m getting anxious to get to the revising part.  I’m so close to the end of this degree!  It sucks that I’ve got to research a few more sources…thought I was passed that…but I guess that’s part of the process.  See where there are holes and fill them as you go.  I’m on track to have some sort of a complete draft in two weeks, although with the change in advisors I have more time if I need it.  I’m working so hard, I hope I don’t need it!

 

 

 

 

 

In the zone with my research and rocking to Ladyhawke‘s “My Delirium.”

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