Unexpected Side Effects

I know I’m behind a bit, but I just watched Love and Other Drugs.*

That movie is the start of my and DH’s relationship if you change out awkward high school students for all the pretty people.  I didn’t realize that when I sat down to watch.  I thought I was sneaking in a chick flick while DH was gone, but instead I watched my life 10 years ago.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my love story.  It’s mine and beautiful and so not normal for being 17 years old, and I know that.  I feel incredibly lucky and special, but I’m afraid it doesn’t apply anymore.  I know that doesn’t make sense, but watch the movie.  I was a sick person, and as a kid, I struggled with that in a big way.  High school was hard.  I just wanted to blend in and be normal, and having an incurable, indescribable disease did not help with that at all.  I didn’t want to be defined as a sick person, yet I had to come to terms with the fact that I would not get better.  It’s not an easy concept for a teenager.  It was huge for me, so it was a huge factor in the beginning of DH and I’s relationship.

Fast forward to a few months ago, and my sick status has changed.  We’re still waiting for the cards to fall, but things aren’t the same as they were when I was young and stupid.  The thing that was so central to making us us isn’t there anymore.  It’s like when you read about obese people losing a ton of weight, but their minds continue to see themselves as heavy.  My mind hasn’t processed not being sick.  I don’t want to say I miss it.  I don’t.  But learning to be not sick is almost as hard as coming to terms with being incurable.

I haven’t noticed the slightest change in my relationship, and I’m not worried about it.  It honestly didn’t come to mind, but then I watched the movie and remembered the part my sickness played in creating us.  My love story doesn’t apply anymore, and that makes me sad.  Like thinking about to your first date and suddenly realizing you can’t remember every little detail anymore.  You loved it but it’s gone.  The story is still mine, but the wonderful, tender things I fell in love with in DH don’t apply in the same way.  That part of us is gone.

Watch the movie.  It wasn’t bad.  And when you reach the scene where Anne drops the glass, know that I’ve been there in that exact spot and it means the world to her.  It meant the world to me.


*The amount of Anne Hathaway boobage (and I mean whole bub, not some nip slip) is offset only by the amount of Jake Gyllenhaal bum action.  They are really thrown around quite liberally.  Not necessarily complaining, just putting that out there.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. loquita
    Jul 10, 2011 @ 22:11:36

    I definitely prefer nudity equality. Pirates of the Caribbean always annoyed me for that reason — lots of cleavage, but no bare-chested Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom!

    Though I’m definitely not in your situation, I have been feeling kind of the same thing lately. For me, I feel completely different in my relationship/marriage because I finally trust in the love between my husband and I fully. I didn’t realize how much I held back, or secretly believed I had to a certain kind of person for him to love me.

    Very cool biographical post — this is the kind of thing I love to write, and I love to read. Now I totally need to see that movie.


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