Maybe Next Year

I had to work Easter weekend, but DH and I still wanted a fancy holiday meal.  So yesterday I got up early, went to the store, bought ham and all its accessories, and started cooking.  DH turned up with 24 hour staff duty.  I was knee deep in pineapple glaze and deviled egg filling and DH has to work on my one day off in two weeks.  Army…you can suck it.  I grabbed my tin foil and plastic forks, packed the car with all the hot dishes, and drove into his office.  We sat for a few minutes on the steps of the building and ate.

Sometimes it makes me really sad that this is all I can have.  Sometimes I feel kinda proud that we didn’t let work ruin our plans and found time to spend together no matter how brief.  Sometimes the insanity of it all makes me laugh.  But right now I’m exhausted, and I want some time without errands and chores and work to snuggle.  It’s two or three hours of prep for a stolen fifteen minutes together.

Right now my clothes are finally clean, folded, and waiting to be put away, but my hubs is drooling his brains out asleep recovering from yesterday’s shift.  Maybe we can pencil each other in during his block leave this summer…or when we retire.

Searching For Direction

This is something that’s been bouncing around for awhile, and I know it seems a big disjointed.  It feels connected to me, so I’m going to do my best at bringing it all together.

I feel like I’m in a period of transition in my life.  I can’t quite tell if I’m wanting change rather than actually experiencing it or maybe it’s mental change.  I don’t know, but it seems like ever since DH got home something has shifted.  There was the obvious baby event, and even though it didn’t work out, it made me rethink things.  It seems like it started something that didn’t exactly follow through.  Even though it freaked me out to the millionth power at the time, I think we must have been more ready for it than we thought.  I’ve been majorly unsuccessful with shutting off mommy brain, which I felt important to do before we brought up the subject again.  I didn’t want to do something just because I was sad about how it all turned out.  Maybe you can’t ever turn it off, but I don’t want to sort out what my future looks like around something that doesn’t exist.

Besides that, we’re established here.  For the first time we’re not moving or waiting to move or existing in some temporary limbo.  It feels wonderful but new.  We’re in a place where we can make some kind of plans (as much as the Army allows for that), and I don’t even know what I want do to.  I want to travel and see the region.  I want to decorate and buy furniture.  I want to make friends and have bbq’s in the backyard.  I’m not sure how to get to that place though.

Part of the big hurdle is finding any sort of time to do that.  My work schedule is unpredictable at best.  I’m working a lot of weekends right now, which obviously limits how and when DH and I can get out and about.  I’m so very ready for a career rather than a job…  But that’s nothing I haven’t already said over and over again.

I don’t exactly know what I’m looking for.  I feel like something’s different.  I’ve always self-labeled myself as a planner and oganizer, so this feeling is causing me a lot of anxiety.  I feel like my plans are getting thrown out and either the possiblity of the unknown or the lack of direction is causing me to fret.  Sometimes I really miss therapy and it helped me sort stuff like this out.

Important Quickie

I haven’t gone missing.  Just busy.  It’s work and more work.  We lost two people at work, so the rest of us have been picking up the slack.  Is it just me or have the weekends gotten shorter?  There might be hope on the horizon.  I found a pretty cool job, maybe even two that I would really enjoy, so there might be changes on that front.  The hiring process for federal jobs takes so long and there are so many applicants.  I’m confident that I’m awesome enough for either, and I’m trying hard to stay positive.

One thing that is really helping is that  Me and My Soldier Man is giving away a Target gift card.  This may be the coolest giveaway get.  And I just got done telling DH how I needed shoes…

I have a couple book posts in the works and I’m working on finding a few minutes to write something of significance.  Soon.

Giveaways

I’m consumed with the giveaways over at Me and My SoldierMan.  I entered for the tupperware and the wire wall hanging.  I swear if I don’t get an avocado keeper soon, I might as well just throw money directly in the trash.

I get extra entries for letting everyone know about what she’s doing over there, so no pressure to go enter yourselves.  I need all the help I can get with the odds.  🙂

A Night Out

Thompson Square came and did a free concert on post last night, so DH and I went to catch some fresh air and get away from the tv for a while.  They weren’t bad.  It was a nice concert, they sounded good, and the weather was great.

Looking around the sea of lawn chairs last night I noticed how many men were there.  They were out with their families, holding babies, and passing cold drinks.  It made me smile.  The image of so many guys, tattooed and scarred, rocking tiny babies was heart warming.  It is post deployment after all.  There were plenty of round-bellied wives next to them too. 🙂 The cycle continues.

It is obvious the guys are home, and I love it.  We don’t the get picture often enough.

Weekend Project

One of my co-workers is preggo, and I spent a good part of this afternoon crocheting a hat for her little nugget.  I haven’t crocheted since I was a kid, but it didn’t take my fingers long to remember the stitches.

Didn’t it turn out cute?!  There’s a little flip up brim that didn’t come out well in the photo but makes the whole thing look adorable.  I only got one skein of yarn because I didn’t want to heavily invest in something I wasn’t sure I even remembered, but I’ll be going back to get a few more.  This project was super fast, and I love how it turned out.

I used a YouTube tutorial by Mikeyssmail for the pattern.  I highly recommend his videos if you’re interested in getting started with crochet.  He makes it so simple.

Her baby isn’t due until the fall, so I’ll have to post an update with the rainbow of teeny hats I’ll have done before then.

We, The Drowned

I was fascinated by the trend at the library of foreign authors after the extremely popular Girl with a Dragon Tattoo series came out last year.  It’s still bouncing around the New York Times best seller list even now.  We saw a huge surge in demand at the library for what’s popular in Europe at the moment, which is how I ended up reading We, the Drowned by Carsten Jensen.  Jensen is a Danish author, and although I’ve visited Denmark before, I don’t have a very good handle on the flavor of the people or the country.

I’m ashamed to admit I haven’t read a lot of foreign authors.  The ones I have ventured out to are usually Latin writers from South America.  The translations of their books always have a very lyrical quality to them, in particular I’m thinking of works by Isabelle Allende and Gabriel Garcia Marquez.  They have touches of the magical in them and the words on the page create such beautiful, descriptive pictures that make even the impossible seem real.

I hate to generalize, but Danish writing seems to be the exact opposite.  Jensen does have a magical quality to his writing, but it’s blunt and cold and just hangs in the air after you’re read it.  It pairs well with the plot since We, the Drowned is a novel about the sea and sailing life.  Right before this book I read Fall of Giants by Ken Follett, and he’s notorious for long sagas that follow generations of families over long periods of time.  Jensen used a similar format, which is what initially attracted me to the book.

I’ve found that readers are often grouped into categories.  You’ve got the romance readers, the sci fi guys, and political fiction enthusiasts.  Some of the quirkiest readers are the ones who like nature/man-against-the-elements kind of books.  Sea readers are close to being in that category.  They are die hard Moby Dick or Old Man and Sea fans when the rest of us fall asleep or give up trudging through the endless pages.  We, the Drowned will work for you if you’re one those.

That warning aside, We, the Drowned did capture my attention even though I don’t fall into those categories.  The second half is much more enthralling and is worth waiting for.  It follows a coastal town in Denmark from the 1840s through World War II.  I was so into the characters and the imagry that Jensen created that in a way the plot felt timeless.  I didn’t have a great sense that sailing during the 1860s was very different from the 1930s.  The World Wars were obvious events, but the essence of being a sailor and the drive to conquor the ocean overrode any technical advances that occurred during the century.  At the time, it bothered me a little, but looking back on the novel I see how it didn’t matter as much.  The bigger point was the constant pull of the ocean on the sailors and their families.  The women’s struggle to let go of their husbands and sons and manage the home for long periods of time was all too familiar as a military spouse.  It was comforting but sad, and I don’t feel like it truely got resolved at the end. 

Jensen certainly wrote an epic novel.  I felt tossed and windblown alongside the characters, and it was refeshing to hear a different voice.  The European influence in the novel is striking, but so is the landscape and the ability of the people in the book to endure.  It would not have been nearly as enjoyable, consuming, or authentic had anyone else written it.