My Mind Is Working Like This Today

It’s very, very close, and we’re both starting to feel weird about it.  I’ve sat down several times wanting to write something to sort out the jumble inside, but it’s not going well.  I’m going to us this as my jumping off point for later.

Happiness.  Bliss.  Giddiness.  The romantic silliness starts before he even gets home.  Life is filled with daydreams and giggles.  Excitement in its purest form.

Disbelief and maybe even denial.  It can’t be happening already.  It was never going to end.  A refusal to believe that life could be getting so much better instantly because if you believe it and it doesn’t happen, you might not make it another day.

Fear.  Worry.  Apprehension.  You’ve both changed so much.  What will he need?  Will you know how to help him?

Plans, plans, and more plans.  Make them.  Scrap them.  Make new ones.  Do a ton of research and then change your mind not because of money or time but because you’d rather do nothing.  Because it doesn’t matter what you do as long as you’re together.

Cry a lot.  Cry because your neighbor decorated her fence and you have to see it every time you go outside.  Cry because it’s almost here.  Cry because you still have to wait.  Cry because you can’t move time faster.

Think bad thoughts about every person who gets their soldier back sooner.

More pride than you ever thought possible for your soldier, for all soldiers, for yourself for being apart of this incredible community.

Love and hate this process simultaneously.

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