Status Report: Overloaded

I didn’t make it to the first yoga class.  I didn’t sleep well on the first night.  I would have appreciated my first night in the bed alone to not also be the first night of a vicious cold snap–Thanks Mother Nature.  I finally got deep, restful sleep early in the morning and did not want to get up and about early enough to make it to yoga.  I’m not bummed though.  Missing this class doesn’t mean I’m never going to go.  It just means I need to try extra hard to make it to the next one.  I am so excited about being able to do yoga at the gym, but maybe I’m a little nervous too about joining a class with people I don’t know.  But how can I expect to be busy and have friends if I don’t go somewhere to meet them?  I have made it to the gym for a regular work out though, so I feel good about that.

I emailed the local museum about volunteering in their reference library and met with the local historical society about helping out in their archives.  I ultimately want to work in the museum/archives field, but I’m trying to be realistic about my current job prospects.  It’s hard to get those jobs, and volunteering is an excellent way to make connections and stay relevant to the field when you can’t find a job.  Smaller museum often get grant money for projects as well, and you might be able to be paid for temporary work.  Plus I thought it would get me out of the house a few hours a week and I could meet people who were also interested in the same stuff I’m into.  The museum sounds mostly art related, which I have little experience with, but I’m interested in learning.  Art is usually it’s own special area of museum stuff, so any experience I get would be great.  They also have internships that I would love to get to help with  my museum credentials, and if they know me as a volunteer I might have a better shot.  The historical society is more of a solitary project.  As with any historical society, they have little funding and are just happy to have someone to help.  I’ll have total freedom but probably won’t be meeting lots of people.  They were so excited to have someone with “experience” want to volunteer.  Ha!  Ego stoker…

I had my first therapy appointment too.  It was disappointing, but it was the first meeting so I’m trying to stay open-minded.  She doesn’t seem like she’s going to be a good fit for me.  I’ve had five different counselors over four years, so I’ve figured out what kind of style I like.  I’ve already done some serious foundational work that I don’t want to rehash.  No matter what I seem like now, I’ve come a looonng way.  I know the main areas I want to work on, and I’m not sure if this lady is going to be open to that.  She seems more interested in driving the appointment rather than letting me dictate where I want to explore or discovering things with me.  My biggest turn off was 1. she repeatedly interrupted me and wouldn’t let me finish and 2. she gave me a big packet of “homework” for me to write down all my background narrative.  I know it’s slow, but I want to be able to decide when and if I share some of this stuff with her as we develop a relationship.  I certainly don’t want to describe any sexual abuse in two short sentences or check a box if I’ve thought about suicide.  How impersonal, insensitive, and inconsiderate of the gravity that these statements mean to a person, and frankly, I think as a therapist she should know better.  I want to give her some time because the first meeting is always weird, but she really gave me a bad impression of her.

I’ve been running errands all over the place and am so proud of myself of driving.  I still don’t like to do it and wish that I could walk more, but at least I’m managing on my own.  I’m actually out and about more now than when DH was home.

My best friend Red called the other day and said she’s struggling with postpartum.  I was so sad for her.  I would never wish depression on anyone.  I was so frustrated that I couldn’t be near her to offer her more support, but I packed up a box and sent it to her to let her know I was thinking of her.  I packed comfy sweats, a chick flick, chocolate, and popcorn.  I hope she curls up and takes an afternoon to herself without feeling guilty.

I’ve also started my star banner.  I have all the pieces cut out.  I’m ready to set up my sewing machine and get them put together, but I’m waiting on fusing that my mom is sending me.  I needed like two inches to tack the star to the center while I sew it on and totally forgot.  Luckily my mom was already mailing me something, and the mail only takes a few days to get her from her house.

After recounting all that, I see how I’m feeling like I need to do it all before he’s even truly gone.  He’s only gone for a quick train-up and will be home in a few days.  I don’t need to start everything on my list on the first day I’m alone.  I’ll run out of things in the first month if I do that.  I was just so worried about preventing my weird slump and excited to do things that I’ve been looking forward to for months.  I can cut myself some slack about not doing yoga already and save it for when he’s officially gone.  I think I should be super proud of all the stuff I have done in just a few short days.  In no way do I currently feel homebound.  Actually, I’m feeling like I don’t have enough hours in the day to do everything I want, so I need to pace myself and not get burned out from being overly perky and optimistic before he’s even gone.  I think it’s a symptom of being checked out too early.  I’d mentally prepared myself for this part of things way in advance, and now I’m feeling the effects.  Time to scale it back some.

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  1. Trackback: Call Me Crafty « Solitary Wind Chime

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