As I’ve said several different times, I don’t drive.  I don’t have a driver’s license and don’t have a big desire to get one.  It’s just not my thing.  When everyone was 16 and dreaming about cars and cruising with friends, I never felt the need to join.  I also assumed that I just wasn’t ready, and someday the urge would hit me.  I resented other people constantly asking when I was going to do it and why I wasn’t already.  I get it.  It’s weird that a twenty-something person doesn’t drive, but it’s not that weird.  Come on!  I had a Resident Adviser in college that had epilepsy and wasn’t allowed to drive.  No one thought that was weird, but no one assumes I have a medical condition prohibiting me from driving.  Anyway, the more I felt rushed to drive the more I resisted it.

Since I haven’t been a driver, I’ve found other ways to do the stuff I want.  I’m an avid walker.  I enjoy or at least not peeved by public transit.  I carpool occasionally.  Those are things that I don’t just tolerate; I really and truely like.  The big but here though is that DH will be deploying in the near future.  That will leave me by myself for a long time.  In the past if he had to be gone I happened to be with family or we stocked up on necessities to get me through a few weeks alone.  We can’t exactly stock up on a year to a year and a half’s worth of groceries, dog food, and toilet paper.  Our future duty station does have public transit, but I can’t realistically haul dog food home on the bus.  Sigh…all signs point toward getting a license.

I technically can drive.  DH has made sure I can piddle around the neighborhood.  He says my safety zone is 35 mph or under.  Traffic and everything that comes with city driving just makes me so nervous!  I really, really don’t like doing it at all, and since I don’t have a license, I don’t really do it often because that’s sort of illegal.  I’m here at my parents’ right now, taking care of the Bag Lady, and she had this brilliant idea to get me officially licensed so I can meet up with DH and don’t have to worry about it.  Yay?

I have mixed feelings about the whole deal.  I don’t want to lose the qualities about being a non-driver that I like.  I want to keep walking and taking the bus/train.  I don’t want to have to get another car.  Right now we’re a one car family, and I like not having to pay for double insurance and car payments and oil changes.  That’s a lot of extra money that we are currently funneling to student loans.  I am glad that as long as I keep it from expiring, I’ll never, ever, ever have to deal with this again.  I do feel a little rushed into this, and I feel like if I had more time, I could find a way to make everything work without having to drive.  I don’t know…could I finally be ready for this?  I kind of liked being labeled a non-driver.  I hated dealing with inquiring, stupid people, but I was proud of my decision.  I made it solely based on my situation, abilities, and feelings.  In a way it feels like I’m caving on my principles because I’ve always maintained that it is possible to be a non-driver.

I think that’s it.  I might be ready to accept that I have to do this, and that makes me sad and nervous.  I don’t want to drive on base and potentially harm DH’s career because I get caught driving unlicensed and uninsured.  But this really does make me sad.  I’m putting this part of myself away, and it was a part of me that I really liked.  Will I possibly be the only person to be sad and grieving when I get my driver’s license?


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